Suggestions for K-roll vol. GODDAMMITALREADYPICKABEATER

"themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles" (themanwithsauce) 07/24/2014 at 21:27 • Filed to: None

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OKAY YOU SCRUB, LETS SCROLL THROUGH THESE CRAIGSLIST ADS. YOU WANT A BEATER AND WE ALL KNOW YOU SEEM TO HAVE PROBLEMS FINDING ONE BECAUSE YOU'RE PICKIER THAN A VEGAN AT A STEAKHOUSE. HOLD ONTO YOUR ASS CAUSE YOUR CAR IS GOING TO BE ON HERE, READY? GO!

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
pros - coupe, honda,easy to work on, good on gas, cheap
cons - FWD, heavy, not too exciting

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

HOLY RAGING BADGERFUCK THAT CAR IS RARE THOUGH. YOU WANT SOMELUXOBARGE COUPE STYLE BUT HONDA ACCORD FUEL ECONOMY? THERE YOU GO, I CAN TELL YOUR NIPPLES ARE ERECT AT THAT THOUGHT.

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
Pros - much better reliability than other Mk4s, easy to swap GTI suspension on, great gas mileage, hold its value if you dislike it, cheap
cons - not too exciting, still a Mk4 golf, needs mods to become something enjoyable

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

BY SATAN'S INGROWN ARMPIT HAIR, LOOK AT DAT MILEAGE! YOU WILL NEVER NEED TO STOP FOR GAS EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE TO TRACK DOWN PRISTINE 944 PARTS FROM 5 STATES OVER.

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
Pros - RWD, bulletproof V6, newer car, well maintained, coupe
cons - still a mustang, needs some sand in the back during winter, still a mustang that lacks a V8

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

FUCK THE HATERS. GET IT.

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
Pros - Mazda fun, hatchback, good gas mileage, good price, good mechanical condition
Cons - typical protege rust......really what else do you want? This thing is meant to be abused in the snow.

DON'T WANT TO DRIVE A SCHMUCK'S CAR? GET YOUR MAZDA FIX WITH THIS CHEAP PROTEGE AND LAUGH AT THE SALESMEN IN THEIR SOLARAS. THEN GO RALLYCROSSING. FUCK YEAH.

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
Pros - CLEAN AS FUCK, HANDLES LIKE GREAT SEX FEELS, GOOD SOUND, EASY ENOUGH TO WORK ON YOURSELF, HATCHBACK, USDM YO
Cons - NONE

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

HHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGHHHHHH. THIS IS YOUR WINTER CAR NOW. GO. GO AND GET IT. RIGHT NOW. STOP READING THIS. THIS POST IS OVER. A WINNER IS YOU IF YOU BUY THIS CAR AND YOU WILL BECAUSE IF YOU FAIL TO BUY AN SVT FOCUS THIS CLEAN THEN BAD LUCK AND MISFORTUNE WILL INFECT YOUR PATHETIC SOUL FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:29

3

Listen to this man Karl.

heliochrome85 > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:29

10

I WANT 75 MORE POSTS PER DAY ABOUT THIS ISSUE.

Manuél Ferrari > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:30

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I will be married with 3 children before K Roll picks his winter beater.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > heliochrome85 07/24/2014 at 21:31

7

NOW THATS WHAT I CALL K-ROLL'S WINTER BEATER SUGGESTIONS VOL. 322141 - THE BEST OF VOLVO FROM 1997-2001

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:31

3

You might want to get started on that now. And by now, I mean years ago. He's getting the damn SVT focus.

heliochrome85 > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:32

4

no, we'll be off buying our wraiths.

Brian Silvestro > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:32

4

I love this post.

ZiptieMcBumper > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:32

1

I'll take the Golf. That's it.

I love how people who don't wash their cars love to call Mazda rust "common" or "usual".

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:32

2

I will be dead by the time he chooses.

Manuél Ferrari > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:33

2

He'll say that he's going to do it. Then he'll change his mind and want a rusted out 924

Manuél Ferrari > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 07/24/2014 at 21:34

1

LOL

heliochrome85 > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:34

7

Model T as a winter beater. ILL BE FINE IN THE SNOW.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > ZiptieMcBumper 07/24/2014 at 21:34

0

No, the protege has thinner and crappier steel than typical cars. Japanese cars are known to have thinner steel as is, but they usually have a great galvanizing system. This is NOT opinion, this is fact. Fender rollers work very poorly on german cars, even base cars like the golf and jetta don't fender roll as well as a civic or sentra.

Very few proteges in the north lack some surface rust here and there. Even the newer 3s are starting to see it.

XJDano > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:35

2

He'll likely will be driving the 944 during a snowstorm & wish he would have bought anything!

Leadbull > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 07/24/2014 at 21:35

1

That's because I'm waiting in your basement.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:35

3

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Manuél Ferrari > heliochrome85 07/24/2014 at 21:36

2

"Not much power, ensures you don't spin out in the snow"

heliochrome85 > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:36

1

its RWD AND MANUAL. DETROIT HAS GOOD WINTER WEATHER.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Brian Silvestro 07/24/2014 at 21:37

4

This is why I have authorship.

Manuél Ferrari > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:37

1

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:37

2

The crank start gives it a "charm" his ST's push button lacks.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 21:37

1

...I well I just lit my house on fire.

Brian Silvestro > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:38

3

So much sauce!

cabarne4 > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:38

2

Clean SVT Focus, but I can hear K-ROLL now: "$4,500? That's too expensive! I only have $3,000 max to spend on a winter beater, and besides it's front wheel drive. I want rear wheel drive in the snow, because fuck logic!"

NINJA EDIT:

That said, I think I found the PERFECT winter beater for him!

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/my-new-944-161…

Only $2,500!

Manuél Ferrari > heliochrome85 07/24/2014 at 21:38

1

It's TOTALLY RETRO, BUT NOT IN A HIPSTER SORT OF WAY

Manuél Ferrari > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:39

0

Mad character, yo

heliochrome85 > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:39

2

THE OG HIPSTER

Manuél Ferrari > XJDano 07/24/2014 at 21:40

0

I heard driving 944s backwards in the snow is fun

ZiptieMcBumper > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:40

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I'm sure it can happen, but I owned a '99 Protege sedan and a '78 S130 for years. Never had a spot of rust on either one. I drove them both in snow, and I wasn't particularly obsessive about keeping them clean.

Leadbull > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:40

2

Dude, you're married to a stripper nice lady, named Porsche.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > cabarne4 07/24/2014 at 21:40

1

HE JUST FUCKING POSTED ABOUT WANTING A CORRADO. THE SVT IS EVERYTHING THE CORRADO WISHES IT COULD BE. HE IS GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THE SVT AND THAT'S THAT.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:41

4

Not sure if a "thank you" is in order, or if this is a roasting and everyone hates me. I didn't know I was causing so much trouble around here. I'm sorry. I'll just be on my way then...

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:41

2

GET BACK HERE!

Leadbull > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 07/24/2014 at 21:41

0

HAHA.

I wasn't actually in your basement.

yamahog > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:42

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Manwithsauce right now:

KRoll right now:

Yamahog right now:

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 21:42

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I don't have a house.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:43

2

In all seriousness, this was me stumbling through craigslist like an alcoholic halfway through a really good bender and just devolved into humor. The comments are descending into a roast........but seriously.

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DISS THIS UNTIL YOU DRIVE ONE. DRIVE IT. YOU WILL LOVE IT. YOU WILL MAKE LOVE TO IT ON TH SPOT. THEN YOU WILL HAVE A USDM HOT HATCH AND A 944 GARAGE. THINK OF HOW JALOP YOU WILL BE.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:43

3

THERE IS SO MUCH CAPSLOCK IN THIS POST, IT DESERVES A VISIT FROM CAPSLOCK MAN!!

Manuél Ferrari > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 21:43

0

My stripper wife's name is Fur-ari

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > yamahog 07/24/2014 at 21:44

3

How K-roll actually is right now:

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 07/24/2014 at 21:45

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Nah, I ride my shift key harder than a cheap whore during round 3.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 07/24/2014 at 21:45

0

What?

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:46

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LOL I am joking.

Leadbull > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:46

1

YOU GOT A 991 AS YOUR WINTER BEATER?

BOURGEOISIE SCUM.

Leadbull > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 07/24/2014 at 21:47

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Yeah, you just burned it down.

cabarne4 > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:47

0

Yeah but it's American! Everybody knows you want an unreliable German car in the dead of a Michigan winter! (and god damn are Corrado seats comfortable).

yamahog > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:47

2

:( No, is ok!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:47

2

How K-Roll actually feels:

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 21:48

0

I didn't have a house to begin with. I live under a bridge.

Leadbull > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:48

2

No, that's your mistress. You can't have her. Snap out of it, bro.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:49

4

K-roll after driving an SVT Focus:

Oppo after he drives the SVT:

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > cabarne4 07/24/2014 at 21:50

1

Very funny....

Manuél Ferrari > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 21:51

0

X-D

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > yamahog 07/24/2014 at 21:52

2

how yamahog is after surgery:

Leadbull > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 07/24/2014 at 21:52

1

http://cantusecapshere.kinja.com/

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 07/24/2014 at 21:52

1

-_-........

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 21:53

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I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT EVEN MEANS???

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > yamahog 07/24/2014 at 21:54

0

No, this has clearly become a roast.

Leadbull > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:54

0

IS IT REALLY A COINCIDENCE THAT YOUR NAME IS "KARL"?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:54

0

Is it really that good...

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:55

1

Tonight marks the day the tough love begins. It won't stop till you buy that SVT.

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:56

1

Don't worry K Roll, we love you

This is all in good fun. Without posts like this we won't have an excuse to have GIF wars

cabarne4 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:56

0

A 944 is the perfect winter beater! It's got the engine up front, unlike a 911, so you won't go backwards into a tree. The transmission is at the back, though, meaning you've got better weight distribution. It's RWD, because apparently you like that in the snow. You know how to work on them, and you've got extra parts if it breaks down. And it's only $2,500!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 21:57

1

I have no Idea what's going on here?? Is this some kinda intervention??

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 07/24/2014 at 21:57

1

Oh god...Here comes the subliminal messages right?

yamahog > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 21:57

1

yamahog realizing she may be drug tested in the near future:

then remembering "It's ok, I got a prescription for deez":

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 21:58

2

Sure you can! You can haz all ze GIF wars without the roasting? :(

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 21:59

1

It has very similar specs to the Fiesta ST. Curb weight is only 2800 lbs, 170 hp from the NA motor, and a three-wheel happy suspension layout. You'll have a blast revving it up and down for under 5000$. The black one i posted is the cleanest but there are a few others that need some slight cleaning/repairing for 3000$ but trust me, spend the money and snag that one with a 4000$ offer.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > cabarne4 07/24/2014 at 21:59

0

I don't know if I like RWD in the snow! I just wanted to try it? I didn't want to take anyone's word for it because everyone seems to refer to it as if it were the rapture on wheels.

yamahog > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:00

0

Trying to help, but getting a bit #saucy, like when your friend won't just pick a daggum movie on movie night and is rejecting all your suggestions!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > yamahog 07/24/2014 at 22:02

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I didn't realize I was being that much of an ass...

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 22:03

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I NEED authorship there just to post this meme I made

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:04

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But a gentle roast is fun. He meant well. It wasn't even a real roast where you say mean things like they do on Comedy Central when they do ze roast.

You should actually feel good about this, look how popular you are! A post about your indecision got a ton of comments. You're famous!

Leadbull > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 07/24/2014 at 22:05

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I GOT YOU BRO.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 22:05

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Ok...Can I look at your other recommendations though?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 22:06

1

But it's an Opporoast, it's different than a CC roast.

I don't think I'm famous..

cabarne4 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:06

0

It IS the rapture on wheels. Have you read about the rapture? It's fucking awesome. Rivers turn to blood, weird animal hybrids come down from the heavens and attack — how metal is that?

yamahog > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:06

1

No, not an ass, just choosy. Which is OK.

As I used to say to young women when I was a sorority recruitment counselor, "I'm sure everyone and their mother is trying to tell you which house to choose, but you're the one who's gonna be living there for 4 years!"

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 22:07

0

THANK YOU! AND ITS POSTED

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > cabarne4 07/24/2014 at 22:07

1

So RWD, yes?

Leadbull > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:09

0

Google "Marxism".

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > yamahog 07/24/2014 at 22:10

1

So you're saying everyone is trying to tell me what's right, but it'll be my car so do whatever!

Direct translations....That's not it. But I think I get it. Maybe I have a bad habit..

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:10

0

Yes you are, you're Oppofamous

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 22:10

0

Well I know who and what that is you're referring to, but how does this relate to me?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 22:11

1

Oppohappenings then?....

Manuél Ferrari > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:13

0

Yes, I think so

When you buy the winter beater it will be huge happenings

GhostZ > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 22:16

1

Uuuuugggh that focus SVT.

Leadbull > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:16

0

That only explains my Bourgeoisie/Karl jokes.

The rest of this post is jokingly urging you to MAKE UP YOUR DANG MIND.

GhostZ > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 22:17

0

Secretary on the weekdays, stripper on the weekends.

cabarne4 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:18

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Yes, but only if you think going down the street entirely sideways is good fun.

yamahog > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:18

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Close, it is up to you in the end, you just have to decide how much to value the input of others, especially those you've asked for advice. Everyone else is probably just frustrated because they love trying to find cars for people but they want to feel like their efforts are not in vain.

GhostZ > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 07/24/2014 at 22:18

2

We love you. We just feel like the wingman for someone who can't decide if they want. It's maddening.

GhostZ > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 07/24/2014 at 22:19

0

Only Jalops would get on a "really good bender" and immediately think of "I'm going to go to craigslist to look at cars".

Leadbull > GhostZ 07/24/2014 at 22:20

1

"Hey baby, you're causing my intermediate shaft to leak oil."

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Manuél Ferrari 07/24/2014 at 22:20

1

I can only imagine..

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Leadbull 07/24/2014 at 22:20

0

.... -_- or :(

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > cabarne4 07/24/2014 at 22:21

0

I, don't know?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > yamahog 07/24/2014 at 22:21

0

I see. I don't want people to feel as though they wasted their time.. :(

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > GhostZ 07/24/2014 at 22:22

0

:(

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > GhostZ 07/24/2014 at 22:25

0

......I never said I was drunk while doing this.